Ahh... That's more like it...

This marks the first post in, what, three? Four? That I didn't punctuate with exclamation points in the title. What can I say? I'm excited about things! Or whatever! Perhaps I'm just insane.

You can read about my West Wing fanwanking on the following page, now that I've learned how to do that:


My point, though is not about the ebullience of my posting style, but rather about the fact that I got the 5th season of The West Wing for Christmas, and just got around to watching it now. I was a little gunshy due to the fact that I recall it being massively disappointing in the wake of seasons 1-4, and the bailing of Crazy Aaron Sorkin. Watching it with the last half-dozen episodes from the Senator Alda/Congressman Smits Extravaganza (with special guest Incompetent Josh!) in mind, it occurs to me that you could give these guys the tax code to read, and John Spencer and co. could be affecting. But maybe I'm giving things too much credit - this first episode is really good. I'll just have to wait until I get to the clunkers later in the season to decide.

ANYWAY. I really like the first episode of the season, and wish they had done more with the John Goodman character, because the interactions between him and Leo and Josh and CJ and everybody are great. Really delightfully awkward and weighty and whatnot. I don't really know how I feel about this current season, because it seems like everything's all over the place. Plus, I guess the news that the series is officially canned came on Monday, which puts me in a pensive mood, vis a vis my Favorite Show On Television Possibly Ever.

There are really only a few salient points to make here. One is that the late John Spencer is my favorite, I want to grow up to be him, and now every time he comes on screen, well, there's a distinct possibility that my "allergies" might start to "act up." Second is that it's nice to know you can successfully graduate from being the bad guy in an Adam Sandler movie. Third is that I want to be Josh Malina when I grow up less than when I grow up to be John Spencer. Fourth is that Allison Janney is on The List. You know what The List is. I'm not going to enumerate what's great about Richard Schiff(!), Janel Moloney, Dule Hill, Stockard Channing (check that - I hate Grease, so I'll comment on that, obliquely and parenthetically), Martin Sheen, oh! Lily Tomlin! The guys who play Fitzwallace and Nancy McNally! NiCole Robinson is reeeeeally underrated. Kristin Chenoweth has been good this year. And the poor dead Ms. Landingham! That was a good episode! Yeah, all right, Rob Lowe was good times. A shame about that chick who played Mandy in the first season. Agh. It's all good. I don't dislike anybody. Except for the chick who plays Zoey. Okay. I went overboard a little there. Sorry. I'll make another paragraph for my last point, which is what prompted this post in the first place. So, here it is.

Fifth is that, sorry Martin, but Glenallen Walken is my president.

This is the Jump.

Distilled Destruction!

I want to let everyone know that the wrecking o' Kinnick Stadium is joyous, but not as fulfilling as seeing the whole damn place sink into the ground on accident.

I'm sorry about two things: one is the size of the video, and the other is that I wasn't around to salt the earth after this incident. Screw that place.

This is the Jump.

Comedy! Or not!

Funny:

Conductor on the train hitting awkwardly on 30-something lady in funky boots, pink gym bag, and crazy red coat. As she shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, the doors to the car that I was exiting try bonk off of my shoulders.

Creepy-ass botoxed, eyebrow-tatooed, electrocution-style hair woman on the bus. Yeah. That's about it.

Not Funny:

I already got sidetracked. I don't know what I was going to say here.

This is the Jump.

Watch This Space!

As soon as I can find a way to get my iBook connected to the InterWebulator today or tomorrow, look for a link to only the best parts of the partial destruction of that hellhole, Kinnick Stadium. (Josh suggested I name it Josh Eats Stadia, but that doesn't make much sense in this context. Link to me with that as your own headline, Mr. Eats [Noun].)

You'll get yours, Kinnick, oh, yes. Thanks for being the host to one of the more depressing days of my entire life.

This is the Jump.

Someday, The Work Will Be Complete

I have nothing but hatred in my heart for Kinnick Stadium, so I could watch this for days.

If anyone can figure out a way for me to just get the .wmv file of this, I would be most appreciative.

This is the Jump.

Shut Up, Tom.

So, it occurred to me that the noun is "court," and "martial" would be the adjective in court-martial. Therefore, court-pastry is not only more correct, gramatically than pie-martial, it also sounds funnier. And, since I can't leave well enough alone, I changed it.

AND, since I can't do anything without over-explaining myself until people want to throttle me, you get this little slice of sound and fury. Signifying nothing. Yes.

Also, the original title of this post was "I'm just full of flyaway thoughts today," but I feel like the current title is more apropos.

This is the Jump.

My Low Tolerance for Perceived Incompetence

I noticed something recently. Perhaps you've noticed something similar. When somebody does something mind-numbingly dumb and/or irrirating, everything they say or do will seem like rampant idiocy. It can even be a legitimate query, one that, coming from someone who can find their ass with two hands, a map, a compass and the ghost of Tenzig Norgay, would be thought of as even a good question. Perhaps it's something that nobody was told about. Perhaps it's something that they wouldn't legitimately know without asking.

But when coming from Dimwit von Oaf, it's drivel. One finds themself responding to questions like "Should I shave tomorrow for the show?" or, "Do you suppose I should change the way I exit, because I seem to be in your way?" or "What's Planck's Constant?" with maximum snarkitude.

"What?" Heavy sigh. "I guess you should probably ask the director about that." Eye roll.

"Yeah. Probably. Or I could go the other way." Lengthy, uncomfortable pause. "I suppose. I guess we could discuss it for everybody's convenience."

"h." Blink. "6.626068 × 10^-34 Joule seconds." Dirty look. "JESUS."

This is the Jump.

Promise/Deliver

Perhaps you've heard of the saying, "under-promise, over-deliver"? Well, it's a good idea, especially when you're monkeying with people's money. Saying, "Well, it's possible we could knock another [amount] off of this rate, and I'll look into that,"
is okay. Calling up later and saying, "Guess what! I found a way to take another [amount] off your rate!" is better. Saying "Oh, yeah, no problem, we'll knock this down [amount], because you're in [category]," when you're not positive they are, is piss-poor. And you wonder why customers call and harangue you - or worse, me - when they get figures that are a zillion times larger than they were expecting. Dipshit.

It was like that in other places of business, too. Just so no one thinks I'm picking on anyone in particular. Computer stores "oh, yeah, that'll be configured in an hour." An hour and a half later... "Er, could you give us another 20 minutes?" Dumb, dumb, dumb.

This is the Jump.

Conversations I Wish Happened, Part II

What are they going to do, court-pastry you? Send you to Baker's Square Leavensworth? On Passover, is it Baker's Square Unleavenedsworth? Is it a prison made out of delicious merengue? What? What are you afraid of?

This is the Jump.

Conversations I Wish Actually Happened

"So... she's not, erm, 'Great with child,' then?"

"No, she's just..."

"Great?"

"Yeah. Great."

This is the Jump.