Oh, Monday...

I walked in and noticed a couple of things that immediately made me angry. Clearly, I ought to be doing something else with my daylight hours.

1) There are four boxes of stamped envelopes sitting on my desk. The corpses of the people who carried them from the postage meter to my desk must have already decomposed, because you can't escape the building without passing a mailbox. Therefore, I have to assume that the person or persons who dropped these letters off suffered a tragic accident before they were able to carry the letters to the elevators and to a mailbox.

2) The candy dish, full on Friday when I left, is empty. This is meant primarily for customers and non-assholes. Your home-schooled wolf-children fall into neither category, letter-abandoning lard-ass. And if it was you who devoured an entire bowl of Fruit Gems, then I hope you lose a leg to diabetes and I can beat you to death with it. I don't want your ill-concieved spawn to get diabetes; diabetic children are tragic. I just hope they fall into a well.