Thursday, August 03, 2006

An Open Letter to Douchebags

Third in an occasional series

Dear King of All Odors:

I've been meaning to write you for the past couple of days, but I had to take break from thinking, as I was crippled by a combination of the heat and your outrageous stench.

It is hot here in Chicago. Damn hot. If your personal hygine regimen is not up to the grueling standards of this weather, please stay indoors. And then blow up your house. The stink cloud I walked through borders on the dangerous. Get into a fight to the death with a bum - they also have a tendency to be odoriforus. Whoever wins, gets your home. Which will then be buried under potpourri. And then encased in a protective Bath and Body Works.

Just stop smelling bad. We all do, to a certain extent, in this weather. But I can see you smelling, and that is unacceptable.

Take a shower*,

C-Dog

*and drown

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